A Day of Reflection: Five Years Without Dad

It’s a day of reflection today.

The farm is busy ploughing and sowing new seeds, but this morning, I didn’t want to open my blinds and let the world in. I wanted some time to stay in my own little bubble, just for a little while.

It’s been five years today since my dad passed, and what a journey that has been.

Spirit are near when Robin appears

There is no easy journey through grief. As time goes by, it does get easier to talk about, but that doesn’t mean you ever stop missing someone.

When my dad died, it felt as though my whole world was crashing down around me. But I had to keep going. I had my three girls, Mum and the dog to think about, and life didn’t stop just because mine felt as though it had been turned upside down.

Our home was changing too, and not because I wanted it to, but because circumstances were forcing those changes upon us. I was also going through menopause, just to add to everything else that was happening!

Looking back, I can see just how much I was carrying at that time.

Remember, we attract what we are and how we feel. Back then, I felt angry about the circumstances surrounding my dad’s final weeks. I felt defeated, lost and unrecognisable to myself. It was as though everything was working against me, and I couldn’t see a way through it all.

At the time, it felt like far too much to deal with.

But looking back now, I can see the blessings within it all.

Today, I feel at peace. I feel supported and loved by those around me. I feel blessed to be living where I live, and I am truly grateful for my community and my soul-aligned clients, who continue to amaze me with their own spiritual growth.

And do you know what? Much of this was always around me. I just couldn’t see it.

I was so caught up in my own lower-vibrational emotions and thoughts that they clouded my view of what was right there in front of me. I couldn’t see the support, the love or the possibilities because I was so consumed by everything I was feeling.

Sometimes, we need to go through the experience before we can truly understand what it has taught us.

Life is meant to be a mixture of emotions. We came here to experience the physical and emotional shifts and changes that being human brings. That is what life is all about: learning to navigate this world, with all its ups and downs, while we are here for a little while.

And this is something I often say to my ladies going through menopause.

We are meant to feel whatever it is we are feeling.

We don’t have to be happy all the time. We don’t have to have everything figured out, and we certainly don’t have to pretend that we are okay when we aren’t.

Sometimes, our emotions, our thoughts and even the physical symptoms we experience can be an invitation to look a little deeper at what is going on within us. To explore the patterns we carry, the things we have pushed aside, and the parts of ourselves that may need a little more love, understanding and attention.

I am no different.

I have done a lot of inner work over the years, and I now feel and see things through a different lens. That doesn’t mean I never feel sadness, anger or frustration. It simply means I have learnt to recognise those feelings, sit with them and understand that they are part of my journey, rather than something I need to fight against.

‘Older and wiser’, as they say. And there was never a truer saying!

Perhaps that is one of the gifts of life. We grow through our experiences, and with time, we begin to see things differently. What once felt like the end of the world can, eventually, become the very thing that helps us find a different path.

Today, my family will gather to celebrate all that my dad stood for, quirks and all. We will remember him for who he was, the memories he left us with, and above all, the love he had for his family.

And that is what matters most.

So, if you find yourself having one of those days when you don’t want to open the blinds and let the world in, give yourself permission to stay in your bubble for a little while.

You don’t always have to push through. You don’t always have to be strong for everyone else.

Sometimes, you just need to be.

With love,

Lorraine x