We Don’t Have to Be Perfect: What My Daughter’s Birth Taught Me About Menopause and Asking for Support

Today I found myself apologising for my windswept hair.

I was out walking the dog, the wind was doing its thing, and I was about to start a video when I caught myself thinking, “I should probably apologise for how I look.”

Then I stopped.

Why?

Why do so many of us feel we have to look perfect before we can show up? Somewhere along the way, we’ve learned that we need to have everything together before we’re worthy of being seen.

But life isn’t perfect and neither are we. And perhaps that’s exactly the point.

The story that came back to me as I was walking, was a memory that surfaced that I haven’t thought about for a while—the day my youngest daughter, Ruby, was born. Obviously triggered by it being her Birthday on this particular day, 6th July.

If you’ve read my book, My Journey to Self-Love, you’ll know this story.

All three of my children arrived after seven-and-a-half-hour labours. Despite everyone telling me my third baby would arrive much faster, Ruby clearly had her own timetable!

She was born naturally at 6:30 in the morning after a long night of labour. Although everything went well, I was in considerable discomfort because of haemorrhoids, something that, looking back, reflected just how much emotional pressure I was carrying at that time.

I was in an unhappy marriage, although I don’t think I truly realised just how much it was affecting me.

Then came a moment that has stayed with me ever since. As I held my beautiful baby girl for the very first time, her father looked at me and said, “It’s another girl… I didn’t want her.”

Those words landed in the middle of one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.

Anyone who has held their newborn child knows that overwhelming feeling of unconditional love. To hear those words at that moment was heartbreaking.Shortly afterwards, he left the hospital because he had work to do.

I was left sitting there with my newborn daughter, trying to process everything that had just happened.

The Man in the Naval Uniform:

Because I was so uncomfortable after the birth, I was moved into a side room on the ward.

A little while later, a doctor came to examine me.Except he wasn’t dressed like any doctor I’d ever seen. He was wearing a white naval uniform. Golden anchors on his shoulder lapels of his shirt and wearing what looked like an officers cap.

I remember thinking how ridiculous I must have looked. Exhausted, emotional, no makeup, hair everywhere, having just given birth—and in walks this incredibly handsome man who reminded me of Richard Gere.

He spoke to me about my discomfort, smiled warmly and simply said:

“You’ve done an amazing job. Isn’t your daughter beautiful?”Then he left.

It was such a small interaction, but it filled my heart in a way I can’t quite explain.

Later, when I went to ask the nurses about breakfast—they had forgotten I was in the side room—I asked them who the lovely doctor in the naval uniform was. They looked completely confused and told me that there wasn't a doctor on the ward in a naval uniform.

To this day, I don’t know who he was. People are free to believe whatever they choose.

But I have always felt that someone, or something, was looking after me that day.

After experiencing one of the most painful emotional moments of my life, it felt as though I had been gently reminded of the miracle I had just brought into the world. A Guardian Angel, maybe?

But what has this story got to do with Menopause?

Years later, when I entered menopause, I thought I was dealing with hormones. What I discovered was that I was also dealing with old beliefs. and one of the strongest beliefs that surfaced was this:

I have to do everything on my own.

After my marriage ended, I raised three children under the age of five. I became incredibly capable. I survived by getting on with things.I didn’t ask for help.I didn’t stop to process what I’d experienced.I simply kept going.That worked for many years.Until menopause arrived.

Suddenly, I found myself feeling overwhelmed, unsupported and exhausted. Eventhough I was a therapist and had done a lot of deeper inner work. This midlife flourish hit hard.

Not because people didn’t care, but because I had convinced myself that I shouldn’t burden anyone else. I hid my symptoms.I minimised how I was feeling. Even my children became another reason not to ask for support because I wanted to protect them.

Looking back now, I can see that menopause wasn’t creating these beliefs.

It was revealing them. Menopause Is More Than Hormones. Of course menopause brings physical symptoms.

• Hot flushes

• Sleepless nights

• Joint pain

• Anxiety

• Mood changes

• Brain fog

and so much more...

But in my experience, it can also bring unresolved emotions to the surface.

• Old wounds

• Old fears

• Old stories we’ve been carrying for decades

  
  

Not to punish us, but to invite healing. What if there is another way to support yourself through the Menopause and not have to go through so much suffering?

For me, it was the belief that I had to be strong all the time. That asking for help meant weakness. That everyone else’s needs came before my own. Lack of Self-Love.

Learning to challenge those beliefs has been just as important as managing the physical symptoms.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect.Perhaps that’s why I smiled today when I caught myself wanting to apologise for my windswept hair. Because perfection was never the goal. Being real is.

Showing up as we are is. Allowing ourselves to receive support is.

If menopause has taught me anything, it’s that healing isn’t about pretending we’ve got everything together. It’s about having the courage to admit when we don’t.

So if you’re reading this and feeling exhausted from trying to carry everything yourself, please hear this:

You don’t have to.

You are allowed to ask for help.

You are allowed to put yourself first sometimes.

And you are worthy of love and support exactly as you are—not when you’ve got everything figured out, not when you look perfect, but right now.

Because perfectly imperfect is more than enough.

If you love the work that I do and you wish to approach Menopause from a very different perspective. Look out for the Akashic Menopause Program "She Who Rises".

Have a beautiful day and remain perfectly imperfect.

All my love,

Lorraine xx

I've talked about this subject on a recent YouTube Video. Click the link if you'd like to listen in:

YOUTUBE VIDEO